Stigma

Let’s talk about the stigma associated with ADHD, shall we?

Why do I brace myself for an adverse reaction when I tell someone that Leni has it and why do I feel that I need to explain what it is to stop them from judging him from the get-go?

For what it’s worth, I think there are two reasons so many people don’t understand Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder.

Television has for years run stories that only depict a child who is unable to control their emotions. I can guarantee that the one child you saw on that A Current Affair story hitting out at their carers and throwing themselves on the floor or against a wall was for the most part either not medicated or coming down off a stimulant.

Those children were often depicted to be mean, undisciplined kids who didn’t care about their family or anything else for that matter- striking out at their carers, screaming and cursing at them. Its stories like these that alluded to the idea that if an adult had just disciplined that child from the moment they were born, all would be okay.

I won’t lie, I was one of those viewers once and I too have sat their and judged a family and child based on the behaviors I have witnessed, without once stopping to consider that there may be more to it. I have shaken my head in disbelief and sworn that I would never let my child behave that way.

Never once did I consider that ADHD was in fact a medical condition. I was so uneducated and naïve.

That all changes and flies right out the window once you are faced with having to deal with someone who has it and dealing with the condition firsthand is very different to hearing or reading about it.

Once I accepted my son’s diagnosis, I was researching everything known to man about the disability and its effect on the brain and development. It wasn’t long before the rose-coloured glasses quickly came off.

Those emotional outbursts I had viewed on TV I was now living in real-time.

For us, those meltdowns were a way for Leni to express himself because he didn’t know how else to tell us he was unhappy, sad or frustrated. I was also his safe place. Whilst the rest of the world judged him for his inability to regulate his emotions I didn’t and so he felt safe enough in my presence to just let it all out.

I didn’t enjoy having balls thrown at my head or someone kicking me in the shins, but I also knew that this wasn’t normal. Thankfully Leni’s doctor was able to explain why he would act out the way he was and help me understand it better. For Leni, his outbursts were occurring because his mind was adjusting to the medication wearing off after school and he was experiencing a ‘comedown’. Combined with his appetite returning after not eating all day and the depleting dopamine he was frustrated and angry!

Fortunately for us, there was an answer to these episodes. We sought out some therapy for Leni and we also adjusted his medication, switching to a slow-release tablet that stopped the quick come down effect that he was suffering.

The other reason people don’t understand ADHD is simply that for many years our grandparents and their parents have dismissed the neurological disorder as poor behaviour.

“No, he doesn’t have ADHD that’s ridiculous. He is just cheeky and needs a good smack.”

“What that child needs is discipline.”

Sound familiar?

They simply don’t believe it exists and for that reason many parents I know have struggled to explain the condition to their parents and grandparents alike.

As older parents, we struggled to explain Leni’s diagnosis to our parents. My mother is still adjusting to it and whilst she is more understanding now than she was at the start she will still say things that hurt Leni’s feelings without realising it even after I’ve explained that with Leni a different approach is often needed. My in-laws were just as perplexed. I remember them questioning me as to why he needed to be medicated and although I tried to explain it I don’t think they see it as necessary. Things have also been said over time that Leni heard and didn’t need to hear which is sad because he has a good memory and retains things quite well.

Nothing annoys me more than hearing someone say way too many children are misdiagnosed with ADHD and that doctors just prescribe medication for no reason. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

If there is one thing you take from my post today, please let it be this: a child can only be diagnosed with ADHD by completing an extensive assessment carried out by the likes of in our case, a psychologist, pediatrician and dietitian, and medication can only be prescribed by either a pediatrician or a psychiatrist.

Yes, there are way more children both male and female being diagnosed, even adults, but I believe it is because we are finally waking up to the notion that not everyone is neurotypical and that those kids who were often described in class as the ‘class clowns’ or ‘easily distracted’ were, and are in fact, really struggling to stay focused.

I will fight tooth and nail for Leni so he can experience life as we all should- supported, seen, and heard. I am his biggest advocate and I make absolutely no excuses for that. We need to remove the stigma associated with all things like ADHD, ADD and ASD so our children and the generations to come feel understood and unashamed of being different.