That’s Christmas Done.

Hands up if you feel like you have been hit by a bus and floating in the Bermuda Triangle for the past few days? Me, me, me.

Christmas was great. We got to catch up with the people we love and for the most part had a great time away but I won’t be travelling or staying with relatives again next year.

Moving forward I need to prioritise Lenis ability to cope with so much change all at once and my ability to manage all of that change for him.

It wasn’t until Christmas night that I realised for the first time whilst away that we hadn’t taken into consideration how overwhelming the lead up to Christmas had been for him. That night he became moody, rude and it was only after he finally snapped that a light bulb went on in my head that said this is not his fault.

This is his way of showing you he has had enough and rightly so.

The next day we tried to step back a little and lowered our expectations. We didn’t stay long at a family gathering and we spent the afternoon with his older brother which settled him quite a bit.

That same night he had another meltdown and his good old emotional dysregulation kicked in and he didn’t know how to calm down. It took a good 40 mins to bring him down from that and in the midst of it all I yelled at my mother in law for intruding and not doing as I had asked, which was to leave him alone.

I laid next to my sweet child that night and we both cried as I held him close and apologised for not seeing the signs earlier. It was heartbreaking to hear him say he wished he was like everyone else. No baby boy you are fine just as you are, we on the other hand need to be more accepting of that!

The next day we came home. Sweet, calm, comfortable home where he can be himself and retreat to his own space when he has had enough.

Christmas was lovely but next year we will stay in our safe place and only travel if necessary. Our priority moving forward will be to keep the peace within our family and avoid conflict or difficult situations that only arouse Lenis feelings and make life for him and everyone around him taxing.

Christmas should be exciting and fun for him and not a melting pot of emotions and expectations which is why next year will be a little different and we won’t make any apologies for that.