It’s time to try something new.

Kids do well when they can.

Just think about that statement for a moment. It’s taken me a few years for that to really sink in especially when it comes to neurodivergent children. Many of us will look at a child of a certain age and just assume that at 5,6 or 7 they should just know how to do something and when that expectation isn’t met we get frustrated and annoyed.

What we often forget is that we as humans can only do what we can and what we have been shown whether we learn it on our own or we are taught.

Children with ADHD who struggle to stay focused and have a neurological age that is approximately 2-3 years younger than their biological age struggle to learn things faster than others which becomes more apparent in a classroom setting, socially and at home.

Dr Ross Greene wrote the book The Explosive Child which uses a model he came up with, otherwise known as collaborative and proactive solutions, CPU. It is a method that teaches parents and caregivers how to work with their child to come up with solutions to their problems

Children with ADHD have for many years been labelled as naughty often demonstrating concerning behaviour and for the most part parents myself included have not handled these behaviours in such a way that would improve them or the relationship that we have with our children.

In a classroom setting for example a child with ADHD might be easily distracted because what’s being taught is not easily understood to them. When it seems as if everyone in the class understands how to solve the math problem and they don’t they give up. For others it could be behavioural, therefore not knowing their limits when it comes to something and therefore having a meltdown because they don’t get it.

Leni really struggles with anger and frustration. He cannot regulate his emotions well at all and when something doesn’t go his way or he feels hurt he will often lash out, cry or throw a tantrum. He does this because he doesn’t know how to solve the problems he is faced with and as a result of that we end up walking on eggshells so not to upset him.

The Explosive Child has been around for a while but I haven’t used it, however with a recent change in Lenis behaviour I have decided to give it a go. It means that I have a bit of work to do before I can even sit down with Leni to come up with a collaborative solution to his problems.

Firstly I need to complete an ALSUP which is an assessment of lagging skills and unsolved problems and then once I’ve identified the problems we face I prioritise the ones that we need to focus on first. After that comes the collaborative part where we sit with Leni and come up with solutions to the problems with his buy in.

With some actions in place and an understanding of where his behaviours stem from we can hopefully find ways in which he can better handle those moments when he feels out of control and doesn’t know any other way to deal with his big emotions.

Leni is a smart kid as are many children with ADHD but when it comes to working through anger and disappointment he is totally lost which is why I think it’s so important when you have a child with a disorder or disability to try various things until you find what works for them. There is no cookie cutter approach and to assume there is only does you and your child harm in the long run.

Dr Ross Greene also founded The Lives In Balance website which has some amazing resources should you wish to find out more about this model. The website also lists quite a few additional resources such as psychologists that use his teachings in various locations around the world even here in Australia. I was fortunate enough to do an online zoom with Dr Anne Dedousis-Wallace who is a professor at the University of Technology Sydney a few months ago where she walked us through CPS and provided us with some tools to get started.

I obviously didn’t pick up and run with it then but I’m ready now. Better late than never right, although if you leave it too late you might miss the opportunity to change those challenging behaviours before they become to set it their ways.

I’m hoping this will restore some balance to the home. Allow us to say things without setting him off and provide him with some comfort in knowing that we are in this together.