Peri What???

Let me tell you how hard it is to do peri menopause and ADHD at the same time. Quite simply it sucks. No other way to describe it really.

I’m not afraid to tell people that I’m in this stage of my life because why the hell shouldn’t we talk about what can only be described as adult puberty without the acne and awkward kissing. Instead you have a Myriad of symptoms that either bring you to your knees begging for mercy or have you twiddling your thumbs wondering what all the fuss is about.

For me the journey has been so so. It’s not great but it’s not terrible either. Up until recently I was coping quite well but dealing with all the changes and trying to put me first is hard when I’m using all my energy on being a mum to two boys but more so to one that requires just a little more of my time and energy.

The symptoms of peri vary but for the most part you experience a real dip in progesterone which plays a huge role in bringing on the hot flushes, the night sweats, the long drawn out periods, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, the mood swings and well the list goes on and on. Progesterone for me has become my bodies dopamine and I just can’t seem to get any of it lately.

The really tough moments are when I’m so exhausted I can barely move but I still get up and feed Leni before making sure he has taken his medication and then at night when all I want to do is collapse on the lounge I need to keep his routine going as normal so as not to throw out the balance he and the rest of the family have come to live by.

After a day at work followed by after school appointments and activities the physical and emotional toll can sometimes be quite overwhelming but the need to make sure that I remain organised because I work 5 days a week and still need to make school lunches for the next day and cook dinner is what keeps me going.

The one thing I’ve noticed I’m struggling with more than anything else at the moment is how I handle Lenis anger as opposed to before. Whilst it’s never been fun I was in a good place and didn’t let it get to me as much, but lately when he loses it, it triggers me and I literally want to lie on the floor and have my own tantrum. Trust me I’ve almost done it!

Ask me why I shower twice a day. The morning shower is because I need to freshen up after walking the dog and being woken at the crack of dawn by Leni but the evening shower, that’s my refuge. It’s not self care people! It’s the adult version of time out. I basically put myself in time out to avoid interactions similar to the one I had with Leni tonight that didn’t end all that well.

His inability to regulate his emotions makes for some very difficult nights when there is already enough happening for me mentally and physically.

I didn’t need the abuse I copped. It came out of nowhere and ruined what I had hoped would be a quiet night after being unwell for days but this is my journey and I am likely to be on it for a while yet as Leni is not likely to ever out grow ADHD.

I am envious of women who get to go home and just chill. Those who can change into their comfy lounge wear and just have toast for dinner if they so wish. The women who have parents that cook for them or their families, one less thing to worry about and the women who get to go away on girls weekends or holidays with their families more often than I get my hair done. I’m just green with envy about a lot of things right now but I’m not losing sleep over it because I can’t even get to sleep. Screw you peri!

It’s just another journey before another journey known as The Menopause. Like what???? I’ll be doing that one when Leni starts high school or just before when those pubescent hormones are reeking havoc on his ADHD brain.

Bloody hell! No pun intended 😬