You often hear parents playfully pay each other out when one of their kids displays a characteristic similar to either mum or dad. Hubby and I do it all the time. For example, when the boys say or do something silly I’ll say, oh he got that from you and so on which is all fun and games until your child is diagnosed with something serious and your left wondering where in fact it did come from.
When Leni was initially diagnosed I never would have thought to look within myself. For me ADHD was a behaviourial issue that everyone frowned upon, including me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would end up parenting a child with it let alone buying and reading countless books and articles to gain a better understanding of the disorder.
I now know that its hereditary and once you know this you start to wonder who in the family your child may have inherited it from. I often thought that it may have been a male in my family and never once thought it may have been me. Well not until more recently when my circumstances changed and I got a really good look at myself for the first time in years.
Having always had severe PMS I was prescribed medication years ago to help manage the symptoms in the lead up to a period. My mood swings were crazy, I couldn’t think straight and the smallest thing would set me off into an awful rage. I could never sit still, even when I was sick I felt the urge to always get up and clean or do something. I often felt bored and if I had to attend meetings for work I would never be able to sit and concentrate for long.
Relationships for me have always been tough too. I love my people but I would often self sabotage a relationship by not staying in touch, not communicating my feelings well or by over sharing or being too much!
The medication I was placed on didn’t really rid me of all of the above but it did help with my mood swings which helped me manage all the other stuff much better, kind of like a band aid.
Recently and not long after starting this blog I was weaned off the medication by my doctor and for a few days it felt great but then overnight everything went dark again. My moods were heightened and as a result of that I became more acutely aware of how I was feeling.
One day I remember on a rare day off from work wanting to go for a coffee after school drop off. I dropped the kids but then decided to go home before heading out again. I got home and stood between the front door and kitchen honestly going back and forwards in my mind about whether I should go or not. I did this for about 15 minutes.
Another time I went to my room to do something but a message on my phone caught my attention and before I knew it I was standing behind my bedroom door scrolling for what would have been a good 10 minutes. Just standing there not moving, it felt like I was glued to the floor.
I found myself more agumentative then before and and then aplogising after the fact for being so irrational. I could no longer hold my attention span at work and felt that the easiest tasks were just so boring. My anxiety also went through the roof something that I’ve managed well for the past 10 years.
I don’t know where I was when the penny dropped but I felt like I had this light bulb moment where all of a sudden it dawned on me that I was likely the parent that Leni inherited his ADHD from and the more I thought about it the more it started to make sense.
I started to think about my childhood and remembered how although I loved school and applied myself I still struggled to grasp things. How I repeated in year 2 because I wasn’t quite there with my comprehension and reading, despite loving books now. Simple, small things that all related back to ADHD.
Look I could well and truly be off the mark but I think once you start piecing things together you find your on the right track. I have an appointment for a formal assessment in a few weeks and I’m not doing this so I can start medication, I’m doing this so I know, for my own peace of mind whether it is in fact me that he got it from.
I don’t expect my life to change as a result of the outcome, in fact if it isn’t ADHD it may well in fact be something else however it would make so much sense if I’m right and I do in fact have it. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on how it all goes and what the actual process involves should anyone else be thinking of heading down this path.
Oh and lastly in case you were wondering I am in fact back on the medication I came off. Both my doctor and I felt like it wasn’t the right thing for me so for now this is just how things need to be and I’m cool with that because if I can live with myself knowing that I am a better person for it than I know that my family will also feel the same.
Staying Focused 
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